david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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