So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
