last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
