How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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