hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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