You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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