i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
