Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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