just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
