Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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