Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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