I heard we made out
we have officially lost it.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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