She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
