Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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