Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
