Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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