listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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