I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you never un-have a 4some
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
