is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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