what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
