the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
