I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My vagina is very pro this idea
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
