I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
