I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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