He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
