we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
