So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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