i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
