Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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