Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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