a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
