hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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