I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
