tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
