we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
