Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
