Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
