Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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