remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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