I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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