wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm having to shit out rocks
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