My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
