i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dick very happy bro
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
