Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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