found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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