lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
