did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
