just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh god it's open bar.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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