Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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