i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
