im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
