Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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