Im at strip club and am horny
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
