My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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