It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
