i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
