shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
