just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
