Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am one with the molecules
Life without a bra equals bliss.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
