broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
