You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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