Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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