try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
