just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
