i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
