I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
