did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
