just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
