Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
