ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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