When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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