Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
